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How to Get the Spanking You Want/How to Give a Spanking

Written by an internationally-known expert on spanking and domestic discipline

Praise for the Author's popular & critically acclaimed spanking book & blog...

“The depth of insight is breath taking.”

“I learn so much from you…”

“So well written and so down to earth and easy for anyone to understand.”

"I most appreciate…how honest you are able to be about so many aspects of spanking."

“…enjoyable, provocative and uniquely perceptive.”

“You have found words for things that reside deep in my spirit and i have found no way to express.”

“Vivian: I wish I had discovered your site years ago instead of hours ago. It would have saved me years of inner struggle.”

“…marvelous and honest.”

“You manage to present your views on a very sensitive and controversial subject with wisdom and intelligence, and rather than take a militant stand, your approach is refreshingly liberal. This I found reassuring, which is why I feel comfortable sharing my experience with

“Amazingly perceptive.”

“Thoughtful and heartfelt…your thoughts and concerns seem to bring out the humanity and kindness of the members of the community.”

“I have found that your writings nurture my own soul.”

“Thoughtful and insightful writing…”

”Thank you so much for posting something so honest and so real. I've felt, and often feel, all of the things you've written about here.”

“Thoughtful and provocative.”

“Your writing constantly challenges me to see the world differently.”

“You write so articulately about issues close to my heart.”

"So insightful. Brilliant!"

"I appreciate your thoughtful approach to the subject."

"Very well-written and provocative."

"You're definitely in danger of raising the intellectual bar on the kinky pages."

"I am so very thankful to be reading thoughts from a very intelligent woman who is not afraid to look deep into herself and question everything."

"Your insight and compassion are far beyond your years."

Variant Books

This website deals with consensual adult spanking only.

Variant Books presents...

...the much-anticipated companion guide to the best-selling and critically-praised How To Get the Spanking You Want...

How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End

How to Give a Spanking

"Given that adult spanking is a consensual activity, it has always seemed to me that the people best qualified to give advice on how to give a spanking are the people who want to be spanked.  After all, we know better than anyone else what we fantasize about, what works and doesn’t work when we’re getting spankings and what we wish the person spanking us knew about what the experience is like for us."

--from the Introduction to "How to Give a Spanking," (p. 11)


"A brilliant and superbly-written book!" - reader comment

"An amazing step by step guide written for the couple looking to explore the wonderful world of consensual spanking." - Sisters in Submission

"Fascinating, informative and very useful." - Uncle Agony

"I got [this book] tonight and read it straight through. Made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up - felt like she had written this book about me! Everything I have been trying to say to my husband for the last seven years (and failing miserably) is in this book!" Domestic Discipline Dreams


A message from the author:

If your partner has asked you to spank her, you are probably wondering a few things, starting with... is she serious? Why on earth would a modern, intelligent woman want to be spanked? And what, specifically, does she want anyway?

Does she just want a playful, erotic spanking? Or does she want you to get all dressed up in leather and build a dungeon in the basement? She couldn't seriously mean she wants you to actually spank her, for real... could she? And if she does, how exactly do you go about spanking her?

If you are asking yourself these questions -- and others -- this book is for you. In it, I'll give you the "inside scoop" on what your partner is really thinking and wanting when she says, "Honey, I want you to spank me," as well as lots of practical, easy-to-use tips for fulfilling her deepest, most secret spanking desires.

And if you want your partner to spank you, this book, along with "How to Get the Spanking You Want," will help you to communicate with him about what you want, why you want it and how to give it to you.

In short, this guide is for both of you.


Vivian sig


How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End combines easy-to-use, practical advice with candid insights into the secrets of female psychology to give you the information you need to give your partner the spanking she's been dreaming about.

Written in an honest, practical and "Mars-friendly" style, this guide reveals...

  • The real reasons your partner wants you to spank her (page 38)How to Give a Spanking Table of Contents & Sample Pages
  • Why spanking is the secret to releasing your inner "alpha male" (page 54)
  • The seven secret spanking desires that are most important to your partner and how to fulfill them using practical, easy-to-use techniques (page 59)
  • How spanking your partner can help your career (page 50)
  • Use the power of anticipation to win her undying devotion (page 93)
  • The #1 mistake men make when spanking women -- and how to keep from making this huge mistake! (page 80 )
  • The secret power of the "drive-by" swat (page 117)
  • How to tap into your desire to spank your partner, even if you aren't "into it." (page 51)
  • Her favorite spanking implement holds the key to how she wants to be spanked (page 132)
  • How to protect yourself from legal liability and other hazards of spanking your partner (page 22)
  • And much more!

These secrets for spanking your partner are available nowhere else -- online or off!

Never before has there been one definitive guide that gives you all the very best advice on how to give your partner the spankings she wants. You won't find these secrets anywhere else-- not on blogs, community spanking forums or even in other e-books. These other sources of spanking advice don't even get close to revealing the secrets you'll find in this soon-to-be-classic guide.

And in case you're wondering...

Your purchase is instant & completely confidential.

How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End is instantly-downloadable. You'll be on your way to giving her the spanking of her dreams in less than two minutes -- and since you'll get your guide in "e-book" PDF format, delivered right to your private email account, you can enjoy your guide in complete privacy.

SPECIAL OFFER: Order the companion guide at the same time and get both books for only $19.95!

How to Get the Spanking You Want

How to Get the Spanking You Want: The Complete Guide to Asking for It, Getting It & Making It Better is the definitive guide to getting your partner to spank you.

Designed to be used with How to Give a Spanking, it reveals...

  • The real reasons your man may be reluctant to spank you that will surprise and even shock you! (page 89)
  • Why the popular "I Love Lucy" method of teasing or "bratting" your partner into spanking you is virtually guaranteed to fail -- and may even hurt your relationship! (page 41)
  • How to stop being disappointed when your real-life spankings don't measure up to your fantasies (page 20)
  • What to do if your partner has already said "no" to spanking you (page 70)
  • How to take a spanking -- yes, there are special techniques for receiving as well as giving a good spanking! (page 120)
  • Getting past your embarrassment about wanting to be spanked (page 16)
  • What it really takes to build a satisfying spanking relationship (page 140)
  • How to prepare for your first real spanking (page 99)
  • What to do if you find yourself getting a spanking that's more painful that you expected (page 134)
  • Get spanked in public without getting your partner arrested (page 154)
  • How to cope if you need a spanking and don't have a partner
  • How to safely get spanked if you have a history of childhood abuse
  • The 7 steps to more satisfying spankings (page 140)
  • 175 pages, PDF format
  • Expanded 2nd edition -- 12 additional pages of material!
  • And much more!

Choose your books!

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Add to Cart How to Get the Spanking You Want How to Get the Spanking You Want: The Complete Guide to Asking for It, Getting It & Making It Better
$ 12.95
Add to Cart How to Give a Spanking How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End
$ 12.95
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Save over 20% with our SPECIAL VALUE BUNDLE!

Get both How to Give a Spanking & How to Get the Spanking You Want for one low price.

Add to Cart  What He Wants

What He Wants: A Man's Seven Secret Spanking Desires

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Get instant downloads of How to Get a Spanking, How to Give a Spanking and The Little Book of Spanking Stories, plus the special pre-order price for What He Wants for one low price. Purchased separately, total cost for all four books is $41.80.

Add to Cart  The Little Book of Spanking Stories

The Little Book of Spanking Stories, Vol. I (by Vivian)

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PRIVACY NOTICE: Your download link will be automatically emailed to you --to protect your privacy, please use an email address where you can safely receive spanking-related emails.

Money-back guarantee: If, after reading these books, you aren't completely convinced that this advice is better than any other "how to get your man to spank you/how to spank your partner" advice out there, we'll refund your money -- period.

Your purchase is confidential & secure. Your information will never be shared with anyone, period. The charge will appear on your credit card statement as "VRTBooks." All charges are processed through PayPal, the most trusted online payment system in the world, and Variant Books will have absolutely no access to your credit card information.

This book does not deal with or take a position on child spanking. Methods in these books are for appropriate for consenting adults only. These products are not intended for purchase by anyone under 18. By clicking on the purchase link, you certify that you are over 18.

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Written by a popular & internationally-recognized expert on spanking and domestic discipline

VIVIAN is the author of the popular blog The Disciplined Feminist, which explores the challenges of being a modern woman who also wants (and gets) spankings from her partner.  With over 23 years of first-hand spanking and "domestic discipline" experience and an extensive background in gender roles and psychology, she has been interviewed for articles in both the popular and academic press, including Bitch magazine, Tango and, as well as documentary and mainstream Hollywood film projects in the U.S. and abroad. Vivian is a pseudonym.

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